I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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