I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
