what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
