I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
