the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
