If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
