I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
