do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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