I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
