I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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