She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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