Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
