i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
