I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
