So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I believe in your delicious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
