Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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