i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
