Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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