Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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