Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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