guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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