I'm laying in your front yard are you home
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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