I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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