I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
