what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
