If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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