Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
