Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
