Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
