Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
