Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
