Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
