LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I didn't notice because vodka
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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