Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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