You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
