Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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