After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
