I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
