i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
