Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
