That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
