4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
