yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
