I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
