I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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