my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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