there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
