too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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