I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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