We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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