ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
